More easily said than done.

Post-move I've been having extrordinary difficulty finding God in Meeting for Worship. Today there was a shift.

The first 20 minutes or half hour were painful, miserable. Every smallest sound is amplified a hundred fold-- worshipping in your home and workplace is less romantic than it sounds! The happy baby sounds were like fingernails on a chalk board. I was squirmy and at wit's end.

"Why is this so hard for me?" I asked not with my conscious mind, but with all of my soul.

"Perhaps I am making it so hard for you so you will be so hungry for me that you will dig deeper for me than you have in the past."

Shit. Yeah. Phew.

So God's trying to meet me some place new, and I'm still going to the old place.
Does this new meeting meet at a deeper place and I just don't know how to meet them there?

I think this is all very good news. I can just try harder and have a richer experience. More easily said than done, which is, of course the point.

Also in meeting Friends spoke about treating someone with hypothermia, stripping their clothes off, and wrapping them in a blanket with a warmer person.

Other Friend spoke of the Seed, and nurturing that seed, that yeast, til we are bubbling up, powerful to transform flour into bread.

I'm one who is so cold I don't know my name. I need that close, artificial yet real intimacy, to kindle the warmth of Christ in my heart. Wrap me in your blanket. Warm me up. Let my Christ-yeast bubble on up and out of my cup. And see what bread we shall bake, and whom we shall feed.

--4-30-06
Found 10/14/06